i) what you like about it
ii) what you don't like it
iii) an example of a technique that you have spotted and a specific example of how you will use that technique in your writing
1) The electric atmosphere becomes tangible,
the crowd erupts with pure elation at the sight of thirty men proudly wearing
their colours: red and white; red and white; red and white and red and white.
Thirty slow seconds tick by before three tiers
of patriotic supporters sing in unison, a choir at their Saturday worship
singing without even truly knowing the meaning. Without even knowing the
language. One child, a bold painted dragon clawing around each cheek, attempts
word after word in a language he only hears on the weekends.
2) As the song slowly fades away and the other anthem begins,
jeers and chants begin from the higher tier but explode like a fireball from
the crowd below.
The feel of elation
dies swiftly and only tension is now evident on the reddened, flushed faces of
middle aged men. The awkward silence lingers and the giants on the grass limber
up; anxiety creeps from stand to stand, until every wide eye craves the same
oval of leather.
As soon as the
ball whistles high into the skies and sails there, the game is already half
over. The pristine white kit of the opposition is ominously fresh and
uncreased; a commanding lead intact on away soil. Mouths already begin to
savour the thought of victory.
3)
The awkward sign stood proudly offering information that
nobody even cared about. People only realised it was
there when they were only a few inches away from
stumbling into it.
Murmurs of ‘watch out’ and the frustration of ‘why the hell
is that there’ were common yet nobody would come and
move it.
Gift sets and ‘2 for 1 Offers’ screamed out from Boots but
the shop was already packed.
Hostile territory for
any inexperienced shopper.
The reality of how much people had spent had not kicked
in. This could be
seen in the bright zeal of the shoppers’
eyes. And their
mouths. And their locomotive
bodies. It
was Christmas
