Year 11

Below are some examples of descriptive writing.  For each one you need to say


i) what you like about it
ii) what you don't like it
iii) an example of a technique that you have spotted and a specific example of how you will use that technique in your writing

1) The electric atmosphere becomes tangible, the crowd erupts with pure elation at the sight of thirty men proudly wearing their colours: red and white; red and white; red and white and red and white.

 Thirty slow seconds tick by before three tiers of patriotic supporters sing in unison, a choir at their Saturday worship singing without even truly knowing the meaning. Without even knowing the language. One child, a bold painted dragon clawing around each cheek, attempts word after word in a language he only hears on the weekends.

2) As the song slowly fades away and the other anthem begins, jeers and chants begin from the higher tier but explode like a fireball from the crowd below.

    The feel of elation dies swiftly and only tension is now evident on the reddened, flushed faces of middle aged men. The awkward silence lingers and the giants on the grass limber up; anxiety creeps from stand to stand, until every wide eye craves the same oval of leather.

    As soon as the ball whistles high into the skies and sails there, the game is already half over. The pristine white kit of the opposition is ominously fresh and uncreased; a commanding lead intact on away soil. Mouths already begin to savour the thought of victory.

3)

The awkward sign stood proudly offering information that

nobody even cared about. People only realised it was

there when they were only a few inches away from

stumbling into it.

Murmurs of ‘watch out’ and the frustration of ‘why the hell

is that there’ were common yet nobody would come and

move it.

Gift sets and ‘2 for 1 Offers’ screamed out from Boots but

the shop was already packed.  Hostile territory for

any inexperienced shopper.

The reality of how much people had spent had not kicked

in.  This could be seen in the bright zeal of the shoppers’

eyes.  And their mouths.  And their locomotive bodies.   It

was Christmas